I’ve been putting off this first post on the subject because the subject is just so huge now, and there’s so much to be said that it’s almost overwhelming.
I’m going to direct this at men, and, obviously, men who know at least a little bit about the subject and have at least some interest. Women are more than welcome to read it, just please understand that it’s not directed at them. I know some of them will be unable to believe that anything men do or say is not about women, but that’s another problem.
IMHO, MGTOW is nearing a crucial fork in the road… if you care about the label.
It can, I think, either take some of the core values that were originally put forth and move forward, or it can devolve into nothing but endless griping and eventually be overtaken by some other movement that will take those core values forward. The difference is mostly semantics, the core values moving forward are either going to be called “MGTOW” or be called something else, and I personally don’t care very much either way. I’m pretty confident that they will move forward- we’re past the point where there’s a choice.
STIPULATED: Women are human beings, entitled to any and all human rights that men are, and, importantly, all of the freedom and opportunities to find fulfillment and happiness in their lives on paths of their own choosing that anyone is. The results of their pursuit of happiness are NOT guaranteed, nor are they for men, just opportunity.
I don’t know if I can emphasize this enough:
YOU CAN’T HAVE A “MEN’S” MOVEMENT THAT IS ALL ABOUT WOMEN AND NOT ABOUT MEN. IT JUST DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.
Look, I can sympathize with all the guys that have been “done wrong” by one or multiple women, I’ve been there, at least from my own perspective. I can sympathize even more with those men who have been victimized by society and government bending over backwards to give women preferential treatment even if it victimizes men, and yeah, there is a Men’s Rights Activist (MRA) movement to try to fix those injustices. It has become both necessary and vital and worth looking into, but it is not MGTOW.
MGTOW is supposed to be Men Going Their Own Way. As in, not necessarily filling the expectations of our culture. Or women. OR, FOR THAT MATTER, the expectations of those who call themselves MGTOW.
YOU CAN’T HAVE A GROUP CALLED “MEN GOING THEIR OWN WAY” THAT MAKES ANY SENSE IF MEN HAVE TO GO THE GROUP’S APPROVED WAY TO BE PART OF IT. That’s not “going your own way”, that’s just conformity. Those who are busy trying to define what is and is not MGTOW for others are literally killing the essence of the movement.
I’m willing to defend MGTOW as a concept (until/unless the name is hijacked/becomes mostly associated with different concepts) as being a rational reaction to today’s situation. I am not willing to defend it as being the only possible rational reaction.
All of the whining and bitching about women has become a huge part of the communication out there about MGTOW, and this has obscured the core value that is still one of the first things you hit when you search on MGTOW on the Internet:
MGTOW “is a statement of self–ownership. where the modern man preserves and protects his own sovereignty above all else.” – www.mgtow.com
“MGTOW is basically the statement of self-ownership and saying that only you have the right to decide what your goals in life should be.” – www.urbandictionary.com
There it is. That’s the key, and the only one that’s really needed. It doesn’t matter who or what is trying to attack your self-ownership… and it’s coming from more than one direction. It’s not primarily about women, it’s about ourselves. It’s about owning ourselves, and controlling ourselves.
You do not need to control women to liberate yourself, and you should not want to. The whole key is controlling your own actions, not anyone else.
Consider this:
It’s often said that women are the “gatekeepers” of sex, they decide who and when, and society seems to agree.
But why is that? Yes, I’m serious. Think about it.
Frankly, it’s because most men are not willing to be as discriminating about who they have sex with as most women. So long as a man is willing to sleep with any woman he will never have any power in the decision-making process. If he is willing to have sex with more women than are willing to have sex with him, he’s always at a disadvantage.
Those who negotiate for a living will tell you that most negotiations are completely controlled by the party that cares less about the results. If the male is always the one that cares most, then the male loses.
Men have just as much potential power as women to be the “gatekeepers”, they just don’t often exercise it.
Don’t get me wrong, I am as physically attracted to women as any guy, but that’s biology. If you’re a slave to your own biology, well… you’re a slave. This isn’t about feelings. You can and will feel deeply. Those feelings cannot be suppressed, but that’s really not the problem, you just can’t let them control your actions.
Our biology is dictated by genetics, and the goal of the genetic code is to survive through reproduction. The key concept here is, YOU reproduce, but THE CODE survives. Not you. You are not your genes. Your genetic code does NOT care about you as an individual, it wants you to reproduce at almost any cost so it can toss you aside and move on to the next generation.
The code doesn’t care about your hopes, aspirations, goals, so there is no particular reason you should care about its goals either, especially when they conflict drastically with yours, when they are leading you away from who you want to be.
Believe me, women have their own similar problems in dealing with their genetic imperatives, but that’s their issue to deal with. Or not. There’s very little we can do about it either way, and they certainly, and rightly, won’t appreciate male attempts to help. Despite our genetic-code protective instincts toward, life is about finding your own way, and they need to find theirs.
All of life’s traps are baited with something. When you see a worm hanging from a string, you really shouldn’t need to see the hook to know that it’s there.
Women did not create our attraction to women. That’s our biology, our genetic code trying to perpetuate itself at our cost. If you really need to assign blame, there it is. No point in crying the blues to everyone about it being anyone else’s problem.
Our biology is dictated by genetics, but genetics does not have to dictate our actions.
To achieve your own goals, not society’s goals, not women’s goals, not government’s, not anyone else’s, but your own goals as determined by being brutally honest with yourself, you have to separate your personal goals from the goals of your genetic code, recognize when they conflict, and walk away when they do. Not lash out, not complain, not blame others. Just walk away.
I’m not going to minimize that effort, you’re defying your own genetic imperative.
Damn right it’s hard. Damn right it takes courage. Welcome to manhood.
– Robert the Wombat